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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don't be a drag. Just be a queen.

I don't know what Lady Gaga means by that phrase, but for some reason I like it. Maybe I should write it across my mirror. Except it would need to say, "Don't be a drag. Don't be a queen."

Heaven knows I can be a drag. And a queen. And a mixture of a drag and a queen.

I think I'll make today Drag/Queen Thursday. Several of my terrible qualities. Unveiled. Judge me if you must.


Drag: I clip my fingernails every single day. I don't want any part of long fingernails. They have to stay as short as humanly possible at all times. Non-existent cuticles.

Queen: The top half of my big toenail tore the other day and was only hanging on by a tiny piece on one side. Rather than clipping it off and sporting a hideous half-nail with my summery sandals (the horror!), it was super-glued back down and then painted over. Amazingly it's still standing strong! And my foot doesn't look like a freakshow!


Drag: I only wash my hair every other day. Not necessarily out of laziness. I have good intentions by doing this... such as hoping that my hair will be healthier because of it. I try not to think about the fact that I have bad hair days 50% of the time so that I can have good hair days the other 50%.

Queen: If I decide to do something besides leave my hair straight for the day I'm going to need a good 20-30 minutes to make sure it's perfect. If I'm curling my hair I usually re-do every strand several times until it becomes what I consider flawless (only to fall 5 minutes later). And goodness knows I should never wear my hair in a ponytail. Nothing takes me longer to perfect. I usually put it up and take it back down at LEAST five times before I think it's do-able. Normally it takes way more tries than that though.


Drag: If I'm not working, I have absolutely no variation in shoe choice. None. If it's winter, I wear my Sperry's with every outfit. If it's summer, I wear my Rainbows with every outfit.

Queen: But don't think this means that I don't collect shoes. My collection of ballet flats and sandals is embarrassing.


Drag: I've worn the same earrings every day for four and a half years. And a variation of the same three James Avery rings. Nothing more. Since I've worked strictly among women for several years, I have had several comments on the lack of jewelry in my wardrobe. Apparently it's not normal.

Queen: Don't even get me started on the number of flowery/sparkly headbands that I've collected over the past couple of years.


Drag: I have a collection of seven American Apparel deep V t-shirts. In seven different colors. There are seven days in a week. I put one of them on as soon as I get home from work every day. Nothing else gets worn whatsoever. This has been life for the past THREE years.

Queen: Have you seen my closet? Errr... closets?


Drag: I try to get in the habit of doing some sort of major physical workout. I really do. And I do really good for about 2 or 3 weeks in the spring/fall. But in the summer it's too hot to run. In the winter it's too cold to run. I don't have a gym membership. Dance is only one night a week. Summer came early this year. Fail times a lot.

Queen: I DO force myself to do a crunch workout/leg workout on alternating days. Failure to complete my daily workout means a nagging feeling in my brain that I am unable to shake. I absolutely must not skip this daily work out or I feel like I have failed for the day. Just one instance of OCPD showing through.


BOOM. Roasted.

2 comments:

Sarah Huffman said...

You forgot to mention Uggs in your shoe collection. Just thought I'd help you out. : )

bee said...

I like this "new" blog post. You will have to keep this one going for a while. Scary, but I have some of the very same things in my life---lack of jewelry, same style of t-shirts, hate long nails, etc. You are just way more organized and perfected than I am.