Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don't be a drag. Just be a queen.

I don't know what Lady Gaga means by that phrase, but for some reason I like it. Maybe I should write it across my mirror. Except it would need to say, "Don't be a drag. Don't be a queen."

Heaven knows I can be a drag. And a queen. And a mixture of a drag and a queen.

I think I'll make today Drag/Queen Thursday. Several of my terrible qualities. Unveiled. Judge me if you must.

Drag: I clip my fingernails every single day. I don't want any part of long fingernails. They have to stay as short as humanly possible at all times. Non-existent cuticles.

Queen: The top half of my big toenail tore the other day and was only hanging on by a tiny piece on one side. Rather than clipping it off and sporting a hideous half-nail with my summery sandals (the horror!), it was super-glued back down and then painted over. Amazingly it's still standing strong! And my foot doesn't look like a freakshow!

Drag: I only wash my hair every other day. Not necessarily out of laziness. I have good intentions by doing this... such as hoping that my hair will be healthier because of it. I try not to think about the fact that I have bad hair days 50% of the time so that I can have good hair days the other 50%.

Queen: If I decide to do something besides leave my hair straight for the day I'm going to need a good 20-30 minutes to make sure it's perfect. If I'm curling my hair I usually re-do every strand several times until it becomes what I consider flawless (only to fall 5 minutes later). And goodness knows I should never wear my hair in a ponytail. Nothing takes me longer to perfect. I usually put it up and take it back down at LEAST five times before I think it's do-able. Normally it takes way more tries than that though.

Drag: If I'm not working, I have absolutely no variation in shoe choice. None. If it's winter, I wear my Sperry's with every outfit. If it's summer, I wear my Rainbows with every outfit.

Queen: But don't think this means that I don't collect shoes. My collection of ballet flats and sandals is embarrassing.

Drag: I've worn the same earrings every day for four and a half years. And a variation of the same three James Avery rings. Nothing more. Since I've worked strictly among women for several years, I have had several comments on the lack of jewelry in my wardrobe. Apparently it's not normal.

Queen: Don't even get me started on the number of flowery/sparkly headbands that I've collected over the past couple of years.

Drag: I have a collection of seven American Apparel deep V t-shirts. In seven different colors. There are seven days in a week. I put one of them on as soon as I get home from work every day. Nothing else gets worn whatsoever. This has been life for the past THREE years.

Queen: Have you seen my closet? Errr... closets?

Drag: I try to get in the habit of doing some sort of major physical workout. I really do. And I do really good for about 2 or 3 weeks in the spring/fall. But in the summer it's too hot to run. In the winter it's too cold to run. I don't have a gym membership. Dance is only one night a week. Summer came early this year. Fail times a lot.

Queen: I DO force myself to do a crunch workout/leg workout on alternating days. Failure to complete my daily workout means a nagging feeling in my brain that I am unable to shake. I absolutely must not skip this daily work out or I feel like I have failed for the day. Just one instance of OCPD showing through.

BOOM. Roasted.


Sarah Huffman said...

You forgot to mention Uggs in your shoe collection. Just thought I'd help you out. : )

bee said...

I like this "new" blog post. You will have to keep this one going for a while. Scary, but I have some of the very same things in my life---lack of jewelry, same style of t-shirts, hate long nails, etc. You are just way more organized and perfected than I am.