Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The Rules of Pencils
I have learned many things about pencils this year:
1) Do not attempt to stock your classroom with fun, colorful pencils. They will cause many unnecessary arguments.
2) Do not - I repeat - DO NOT include one fun colorful pencil in the mix of a tub of plain, yellow pencils.
3) Children should NOT be allowed to get their own pencils out of the tub. Even though this means you will spend 1/15th of your day passing out pencils.
4) Under NO circumstances should children have access to pencil sharpeners.
5) Under NO circumstances should you sharpen a pencil for ANYONE during class. You will soon find yourself in the business of pencil sharpening. Did you get your degree in pencil sharpening? No.
6) Pencils will be chewed on. Warning of gross germs will not do any good. End of story.
7) Erasers have a lifespan of 2 days. Once the eraser is gone, the pencil will be deemed worthless by the child.
8) After 2 months of hearing children ask you for a pencil that includes an eraser, you will realize that you cannot STAND erasers.
9) You will decide to tell the children that they will have to start marking out their mistakes instead of erasing them, because you are depressed by the 75 billion perfectly wonderful pencils sitting in the jar abandoned because they do not have good enough erasers.
10) Despite all of this, you will continue to keep your 10 pretty boxes of cap erasers that you searched frantically all over town for a few weeks ago locked up in their boxes in the drawer.
11) Why in the world would you want to deal with the wrath that colorful erasers are SURE to cause if put on the ends of your pencils? Didn't you learn your lesson with the colorful pencils?
12) You realize that you are completely out of pencils with erasers. 200 pencils. Not one eraser. And you are really tired of children raising their hands just to tell you that their eraser doesn't work.
13) "I KNOW YOUR PENCIL DOES NOT HAVE AN ERASER! YOU ARE THE 70TH CHILD TO TELL ME THIS TODAY! SHUT UP AND DEAL WITH IT!"
14) Don't say the above statement. Calmly assure the child that this is not the end of the world.
15) Finally give in on October 26th and open ONE box of beautiful, fresh, cap erasers. This will be a test.
17) Hold your breath the first time that you pass out the pencils with the pretty erasers. Make sure that every child in the class gets one of the pencils with a new eraser because you just don't want to deal with it right now.
18) Control your thoughts as the requests for specific colored erasers start being thrown at you while passing them out. "Pink, pink, pink!!!" "....Awww I got blue ughhhhhhhhhhhh."
19) While picking up pencils at the end of the day, notice that at least 10 of your new erasers have mysteriously gone missing.
20) Have no words. None.